Hey friend.

I’ll be honest with you.

You know that moment. You’re at the airport, latte in hand, boarding pass in the other, and it hits you: this is really happening. There’s a flutter in your chest, part excitement, part “wait, am I really doing this?” You look at the gate, then down at your ticket, and for a second it all feels very real.

You’ve spent weeks researching the best anti-theft backpacks and watching TikToks on how to pack 14 outfits into a tiny carry-on. But in that moment, the real question isn’t about what’s in your suitcase. It’s about what’s in your head.

Does that sound familiar?

Maybe you haven’t booked the ticket yet, but you’ve been hovering over the ‘confirm’ button for three months. Or maybe you’ve booked it, and now you’re waking up at 3:00 AM wondering if you made the right call. Either way, you’re not alone in that feeling.

The thing is, solo travel isn’t really about the travel. It’s a mindset game. It is a full-on confrontation with your own self-doubt. And if you don’t master the mental side before the flight takes off, no amount of packing cubes will save you from the “brain drama” waiting on the other side.

The Logistics Trap

So, why do we focus so much on the logistics?

It’s because logistics are easy. You can control a packing list. You can control which hotel you book. You can control your data plan. Focusing on the “how” is a great way to avoid the “why” and the “what if.”

But the hardest part of solo travel isn’t navigating the Tokyo subway or finding a clean bathroom in Rome. It is the mental hurdle of being responsible for your own joy.

When you travel with a friend or a partner, you have a buffer. If a museum is closed, you can laugh about it together. If the food is bad, you can complain to each other. When you’re alone, there is no buffer. It’s just you and your thoughts.

And for many of us, that’s the scariest part. Right?

We’ve been taught to wait for permission. We’ve been taught that doing things alone is for people who “don’t have friends.” But that is total nonsense. Solo travel is for women who are tired of waiting for other people to catch up with their dreams. It’s for women who want to prove to themselves that they are their own best company.

Reframe the Fear

I want you to stop trying to “overcome” your fear.

Fear is going to be there. It’s a passenger on the plane. It’s sitting in the seat next to you. It might even try to steal your armrest.

The goal isn’t to be fearless. The goal is to do it anyway.

When that “what have I done?” moment hits you at the airport, I want you to acknowledge it. Say, “Okay, I’m terrified. This is the part where I’m doing something brave.”

Fear is just your brain trying to protect you from the unknown. But the unknown is where all the good stuff happens. It’s where you find out that you’re actually really good at reading maps. It’s where you realize you’re much funnier than you thought when you’re forced to make conversation with a barista in broken Italian.

Stop waiting for the fear to go away. It won’t. Just show up anyway.

The 60/40 Rule

One of the biggest mistakes I see first-time solo travelers make is over-scheduling.

They plan every single minute from 8:00 AM to 10:00 PM because they’re afraid of the empty space. They’re afraid of what will happen if they have nothing to do.

But over-scheduling is just another form of control. It’s a way to avoid being present.

I always recommend the 60/40 rule. Plan about 60% of your day. Know where you’re sleeping. Know how to get from the airport to your hotel (this is non-negotiable for lowering anxiety). Pick one main thing you want to see.

Leave the other 40% completely open.

This is where the magic happens. This is where you find that tiny bookstore tucked down an alleyway. This is where you decide to sit in a park for two hours just because the sun feels good.

When you leave space for the unexpected, you’re telling your brain, “I trust myself to handle whatever comes up.” And that, my friend, is how you build real confidence.

Mastering the Solo Dinner

Let’s talk about the big one. The solo dinner.

I hear this from my coaching clients all the time. “Alessia, I can do the museums. I can do the walking tours. But I cannot sit at a restaurant alone.”

Why? Because we think everyone is looking at us. We think they’re whispering, “Poor thing, she has no one to eat with.”

I’ll let you in on a secret. Nobody is looking at you. They are too busy looking at their own phones, arguing with their own partners, or worrying about their own lives.

The solo dinner is the ultimate confidence coaching for women. It’s a practice in being seen.

If you’re nervous, start small. Go to a cafe for lunch. Bring a book. Sit at the bar instead of a table. (Bars are the “safe zone” for solo travelers).

But eventually, I want you to sit at a table. Order the wine. Order the dessert. Don’t scroll on your phone the whole time. Just sit there. Look around. Taste your food.

You’ll realize that the world didn’t end. In fact, it’s actually quite nice to eat exactly what you want without having to negotiate with anyone else.

If you want more ideas on how to get comfortable with your own company, check out some of my thoughts on 99 ways to date yourself. It’s a great place to start before you even leave for your trip.

The “What If It Goes Well?” Game

Our brains are hardwired to play the “worst-case scenario” game.

“What if I lose my passport? What if I get sick? What if I hate it?”

I want you to start playing a different game. It’s called “What if it goes well?”

What if you meet a lifelong friend in a hostel lounge?
What if you find the most incredible vintage leather jacket for $20?
What if you realize that you’re actually a lot more capable than you’ve been giving yourself credit for?

Every time a negative “what if” pops up, I want you to counter it with a positive one. You have to be aggressive with your own mindset. Stop letting your fears run the show.

Building Your Confidence Muscle

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a muscle you build through action-taking.

Every time you navigate a new city, every time you order a meal in a language you don’t speak, every time you figure out which train platform you need, you’re adding a brick to your foundation of self-trust.

Solo travel is the fastest way I know to accelerate that growth. You’ll come home a different person. You’ll be sharper. You’ll be more decisive. You’ll realize that the things that used to stress you out at home just don’t seem that big anymore.

But you have to start. Stop researching. Stop planning for “someday.”

Someday is a trap. Someday is where dreams go to die.

You’re worth the effort. You can do this.

Your Voice Deserves to Be Seen

The thing is, solo travel is just one part of showing up for yourself.

Once you start gaining that confidence in the “real world,” you’re going to want to start sharing it. Maybe you want to document your journey. Maybe you want to build a brand around your new independence. Maybe you just want to post a photo of yourself on Instagram without cringing.

But then the brain drama starts again. “Who am I to post this? I don’t look like those influencers. I don’t know how to edit videos.”

Enough’s enough.

You don’t need a film crew or a $5,000 camera to share your story. You just need the right tools and a little bit of guts.

I’ve put together a free Creator Toolkit that includes everything I use to manage my content and stay consistent without losing my mind. It’s the exact stuff I wish I had when I started. You can grab it right here: https://alessialisa.com/creatortoolkit.

You’ve got this. I’m here with you.

Talk to you soon,

xo,

Alessia